Dead Dream (July 1, 2017)

-

You are there in my dreams
A future I truly desire.
Your intelligence and physique
Something to surely admire,
but alas you are only a dream.
One that I must forget.
I will never achieve you
and this I regret.
I tried so hard
but my love I can not forsake.
This terrible addiction
Is something I can not break.
Nothing I do
is ever enough
exercise, diet, and even surgery
was just too tough.
From fasting to shakes
I did it all and
I just don’t have what it takes.
I am sorry my dream
the person I wanted to be.
I was just too afraid
and gave up on me.
Addiction, stress, and depression
these things won’t stop.
It’s like climbing a mountain
and I’ll never reach the top.
Why try anymore?
The results are always the same,
I give it my best
and it ends with my head down in shame.
So I’m saying goodbye
my eyes agleam.
This I declare....
Rest in peace my dead dream.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

How I Gained The Weight

-
Image
" It was around Five that I started noticing myself getting bigger. That was around the time I was allowed to get food on my own. I would eat snack cakes and chips and always loved sweet tea to drink in my mason jar. It was like that everyday and some days it was too much. You see it wasn't just my fault, I was taught to eat a lot. After every home cooked meal I was always told to get seconds and sometimes thirds. We never saw anything wrong with someone eating until they were full and if we could get out of storing away left overs then my family was happy. The problem was I loved food so much I ate until I was sick and I started relating the feeling of being sick to being full. It wasn't until my teen years that I realized it was the food that made me happy. In fact if it wasn't for my love of food I would have been worse off than I already was. I was bullied a lot in school for being overweight and it hurt a lot. It hurt so much that I would eat a whole bag of c
Read more

Obesity Wars: A New Hope!!!

-
Image
I can't keep living this way so starting today...Well technically Thursday I started. How many Times have I said that? I start and I fail, I start and I fail, I start and I fail, and over the last 20 years I have probably started and failed 100 times, But I still get back up and start again. This time is no different. I started by taking a few weeks to think about what I have been doing wrong and what I did right in the past. While it is true that I have had small success with all different kinds of diets, I still seem to fail. It occurred to me that my problem is that I kept looking at it as having to give up the foods I love. In my eyes a diet is highlighted by the word Die. Like where delicious foods die and healthy foods take their place. This may be true but if you stop thinking about it as a diet and more as something that you will be doing for the rest of your life, It becomes more or less simple. On Wednesday my family and I went to Walmart and we ventured through th
Read more

What Linkin Park Meant To Me....

-
Image
Today we lost a man that helped me through my teenage life, Chester Bennington. The lead singer of Linkin Park. I was in Middle School and going through a rough time. I was diagnosed with manic depression at the time and home life was awful. My Mom and Step Dad were always fighting and I was being bullied from school. My Step Dad had no idea how to deal with me so he would be on me about every little thing. He and I would come close to physical confrontation many times and at some points it did get physical. With music I could escape and one of the main bands to help me was Linkin Park. The song In The End comes to mind and man does it bring back some memories. I remember sitting on the floor in my room thinking of how to end my life while listening to a rock station on the radio when that song came on. It actually got a reaction out of me and for once I forgot what was going on in my head, If only for a short time. Later I discovered many more of their songs that I related to but
Read more